Iba Na Ngayon…gusto kong maging normal…
Pebrero 2, 2008 7 mga puna
Ang mga panahong ito ay sadyang nakakatunaw ng puso. Sa di ko maipaliwanag na kadahilanan, ang aking ipinagdadasal ay tila sinagot na ni Lord….gusto kong magpasalamat sa mga taong ginagamit niya…in the midst of sadness…restoration comes out of it…I feel so blessed, and I just wanna share this blessing, this gladness with others…(hindi normal sa akin ito, pero I am moved to share)
Oh baka akala niyo kung ano yung prayers ko, actually its a matter of personal crisis….ganito kasi yun, gusto ko nang maging normal na tao ulit. As in normal, yung hindi “adik”. Araw araw kasi, kahit masaya kong kausap ang mga kaibigan ko, na-bothered ako dahil napapabayaan ko na ang mga commitments ko sa ministry. Nung dumating ang new year, I prayed to the Lord to bring back the fire in me, parang nawala kasi yun nung naging “Adik” ako. And totoo nga ang sabi sa Bible, you cannot serve two masters. Kaya I will try my best para mag-refocus sa ministry.
Pero pero, doing this, doesn’t mean naman na kakalimutan ko na din ang mga nakilala at naging kaibigan ko. I will still be around in PEX, but not in much in any other SG sites. Sarah will still be my no.1 favorite, pero dwelling much focus on her, that I will have to drop na. I don’t want to be tagged as “fanatic”, coz being a fanatic means you’re devoted to the object of your fanaticsm. Nahulog na ako sa ganitong state, and I don’t want to stay in this state ‘coz alam ko namang in contrast ito sa Christian living. I must admit, nag-lie low ako in teaching sa Sunday school because I feel that I’m just being a hypocrite kapag itinuro ko yung dapat, pero di ko naman ginagawa, especially on the sensitive matters of “idolatry”. Nasabi ko na sa isang blog ko that the line between admiration and worship is very thin, and if you offer admiration to a person, guard your heart not to fall into idolizing that person. Idolizing is different from inspiration and admiration.
I am being inspired and blessed with the life of Sarah, being a good kid, talented, and very blessed, and I wanna keep her like that. God should be worshipped alone. Kaya nga I felt I seem to fall into a trap during the times I went to mall tours and other happenings where Sarah is around, feeling ko parang diyos din si Sarah na kelangang sundan ko kahit nasaan siya. I guess its not bad at all, di lang din naman kasi si Sarah ang ipinunta ko sa mga events na iyon, but one of my main reasons are makasama at maka-bonding yung mga nakilala at naging kaibigan ko. Of course, happy naman din ako dahil I met Sarah in person, but I’ll just leave it like that, no more than that. I won’t live my life dwelling on things about her, as if like a devoted fan, because God should still be the first in our lives, the one na kahit nasaan ka pa, andun din siya, at di mo kailangang sundan.
I’ve said this before, I believe God uses Sarah as a way for me to meet people who will create an impact in my life. And to those people, na-touch talaga ako sa mga sharings and experiences niyo, isa ka na dun tambay, and of course, kay ate j at sa mama namin. Yes you have really impacted my life! From having compassion…experiencing kindness…overcoming weaknesses…to soul restoration, these things I’ve learned in the process of dealing with you. I will always be grateful knowing you, and I will have to thank for Sarah’s existence that helped made this possible. Sa mama namin, kung mababasa mo ito, I don’t know how I have the gained the courage to spell it out here, pero God used you to help me see things I need to see and restore the fire in my spirit, sabi mo nga, even the shortest time. To God be the glory forever….
Well, back to my kaadikan, I am thinking of cancelling the other blog I made out of it, but on second thoughts, sayang naman, at tsaka, baka may mga masaya dahil dun. Pero I just made that for fun, bored kasi ako nung ginawa ko iyon, kaya lang, kapag nababasa ko mga comments ng ibang fans dun, I really feel guilty. Sa ministry kasi, our aim is to bring people to God, and be SAVED, coz ONLY JESUS SAVES. Pero nangyayari, fanaticism and idolatry is enhanced thru that blog, like yung mga batang nag-comment dun saying “Sarah I worship you…”. Tama ba yun? I’ve edited that comment, and erased that line, nakaka-guilty kasi. I know marami din nag-visit dun, more than 28k hits in a couple of months, pero I think it doesn’t matter, I won’t be able to overcome my spiritual crises if I will not do that. Sorry mga friends…..siguro, I’ll leave it as is, but I won’t be updating that blog anymore….I will still be collecting videos of SG’s performances, for personal entertainment na lang…yung mga fan captured videos na dun lang makikita, I’ll be transferring those vids sa YT na lang, di naman sa akin yun, and gusto nung may ari na mai-share sa lahat din naman, so kapag na-cancel ung blog, sa YT niyo na lang tingan, and my compilation will still continue because naging hobby ko na…pero hanggang dyan na lang ang SG inclination ko…. of course pala, I will still support buying her album kung meron siya. I am a music lover so no problem with that.
Yan lang ang gusto kong sabihin this time…salamat mga friends…again I will stay around in PEX for you guyz…